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Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Ka Bear

A few months ago (well more like over a year ago), I told some friends at Starbucks one day that I really didn't have any real tradgic happen in my life. Things had been pretty simple. I really can't remember a lot about my childhood. I don't know why. I don't think that I had a bad one. Just don't remember much. My parents divorced but I don't have any lasting scars from it.

Well, lets just say that the last two months have been enough to fill up a life time for me. If God is trying to get my attention, he has it fully now. Late this summer, I remember feeling like God was preparing me for something. Little did I know that it was a bunch of somethings. I thought that what ever it was was going to be so great. Ya well, I haven't seen anything that great. Of course with God, you normally don't see the good until you look back. You don't see His plan while you are in the midst of it. But you can always see it looking back. At this point in my life, I am ready to look back. I am wanting all of this stuff to stop. Whatever you want God, I am all ears for you.

Many of you know that I was heading to Llano this last weekend to visit with G and to go back to my Dad's house. All the way down there, I prayed and cried that God would take the pain away that I was expecting to feel when walking into my Dad's house. Knowing that he wasn't going to be there to wrap his arms around me and say "Hey, baby." I just knew that it was going to be hard for me.

I never got to experience that grief. No, Kayla had a seizure about an hour after we got to Gs. We rushed her to the ER and they admitted us into the hospital. We were there all weekend. She proceeded to have 2 more seizures while we were there. The doctors couldn't determine what is wrong except that she has ear infections. The infections cause the fever. The fever causes the seizure. My poor baby. She hasn't had a febrile seizure in almost 2 years. The docs told us that she would grow out of them and we thought that she had. All of Kayla's tests came back normal except for an infection. They let us come home on Sunday night. We went to see her regular pediatrician on Monday. She says the same thing. Febrile seizures. This just frustrates me. I want answers. I think that we are missing something. I rack my brain for something to ties all this together. But, ultimately, I have to put my faith in God. He knows what is happening. He is her Healer. I have to put my trust in Him.

Putting my trust in Him....what does that look like? I don't know....but I am trying to find out. There is a song that I have had in my head for days now and something that I need to learn to do....Live for Today. "I'm going to live for today. I'm gonna follow in Your way. I'm gonna let me little light shine like there is no tomorrow. I won't worry about the past. I know my future is in tack. So, Ill choose to live my life one way. I'm gonna live for today." That is what I am choosing to do today.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Guess who? I know Its ME!!!!!

So, those of you who are updated when I post something, you are very shocked right now. I can't believe my last post was in April. There has been so much happen in my life that I am not sure that I can remember it all to tell you.

I guess the best way for me to catch you up is for me to talk about the most current things and then work my way back.

Well, the most prominent thing that has happened is that my Daddy died last month in a tragic plane crash on November 8th, 2009. He was flying two of his grandsons from G's side of the family home to Houston. They had come for a weekend visit as they had for years. Dad and G had just bought their dream plane. They were very excited to pick up the boys. Thankfully G wasn't with them on the flight home or we would be mourn loosing her too. This last month has been very difficult for my family. The range of emotions that we have experienced is vast and long. The question of why has been looming over us for a month now and possibly will for years. We will never know the answer. Well, we will never have an Earthly answer. One thing that gives me some comfort is that Daddy died doing what he loved. Flying. I pray that none of them knew what was happening and that they were not scared. I have been doing a lot of reading on grief. One of the stories that I read was about a woman whose heart stopped in the emergency room. While the doctors were working on her to bring her back, she left her body. She could see the docs below and she could see her body. But what she experienced in those few seconds was a pure joy and happiness that no one could ever imagine. This woman could feel her body pulling her back and she said that she fought it with all that she had because she didn't want to give up what she was feeling. Now, I don't know if any of that made since to you, but I hope that is what Daddy, Dylan and Brendon experienced. I could go on and on about this subject and I probably will again in future posts but right now I must go on to post different things.

Lets see November and December have been really crappy months for our family. There is some stuff going on right now with my sister and her husbands family. Can't go into detail but I would appreciate all of you praying for the Boisvert family. I have a cousin who is having some health problems. He is young and shouldn't be having the issues that he is having. I also have another cousin who is hopefully recovering from alcoholism. Gets out of rehab in a few days. I can't wait to see where the Lord takes him from here. I pray healing for him and his family. They have a long road ahead of them.

To the least of my worries, I came home a couple of days ago to a busted water pipe in the back yard. Anyone want to pay my water bill? I am sooo thankful for a husband who can fix things. Although, I didn't have to cook supper that night.....can't cook without water. No worries though. Andy was sure to have it working that night for showers and such.

I got a new job in June. Surprise, surprise. You probably already knew that. I love my job. I also love the money that comes with it. Ha Ha.

Keeli and Kayla turned another year older. Can you believe that I have a 5 and 3 year old? Man how time flies. They have sure been a God send these past few months. They keep me laughing.

September - we went to Dad's for Labor Day. Played in the Llano river. Took the girls and G to Schneider's slab. I am so glad that I made that trip. I will cherish the memories. Oh, and this toothless, shirtless, not so skinny, Indian dude told me that I was hot. Nice huh? Don't be jealous!

August - can't think of anything....

July - we went to Haslett (sp) to see our dearest friends for the 4th. Oh, we had a fabulous time! Cool fireworks!

I know that I have probably missed thousands of things that have happened since I last posted. Oh well, my mind is a blur these days. I have decided to use this blog for many tools.

1. To keep everyone who is not on facebook up to date on what is going on.

2. To use it as a tool to work thru my grief.

3. To thank people who mean so much in my life....I have many good friends that I thank God for everyday. Without you, I would be even more lost.... ( stay tuned, I will thank you in my future posts.)

Well, time to go pick up the little ones. love to all