Ka Bear

A few months ago (well more like over a year ago), I told some friends at Starbucks one day that I really didn't have any real tradgic happen in my life. Things had been pretty simple. I really can't remember a lot about my childhood. I don't know why. I don't think that I had a bad one. Just don't remember much. My parents divorced but I don't have any lasting scars from it.

Well, lets just say that the last two months have been enough to fill up a life time for me. If God is trying to get my attention, he has it fully now. Late this summer, I remember feeling like God was preparing me for something. Little did I know that it was a bunch of somethings. I thought that what ever it was was going to be so great. Ya well, I haven't seen anything that great. Of course with God, you normally don't see the good until you look back. You don't see His plan while you are in the midst of it. But you can always see it looking back. At this point in my life, I am ready to look back. I am wanting all of this stuff to stop. Whatever you want God, I am all ears for you.

Many of you know that I was heading to Llano this last weekend to visit with G and to go back to my Dad's house. All the way down there, I prayed and cried that God would take the pain away that I was expecting to feel when walking into my Dad's house. Knowing that he wasn't going to be there to wrap his arms around me and say "Hey, baby." I just knew that it was going to be hard for me.

I never got to experience that grief. No, Kayla had a seizure about an hour after we got to Gs. We rushed her to the ER and they admitted us into the hospital. We were there all weekend. She proceeded to have 2 more seizures while we were there. The doctors couldn't determine what is wrong except that she has ear infections. The infections cause the fever. The fever causes the seizure. My poor baby. She hasn't had a febrile seizure in almost 2 years. The docs told us that she would grow out of them and we thought that she had. All of Kayla's tests came back normal except for an infection. They let us come home on Sunday night. We went to see her regular pediatrician on Monday. She says the same thing. Febrile seizures. This just frustrates me. I want answers. I think that we are missing something. I rack my brain for something to ties all this together. But, ultimately, I have to put my faith in God. He knows what is happening. He is her Healer. I have to put my trust in Him.

Putting my trust in Him....what does that look like? I don't know....but I am trying to find out. There is a song that I have had in my head for days now and something that I need to learn to do....Live for Today. "I'm going to live for today. I'm gonna follow in Your way. I'm gonna let me little light shine like there is no tomorrow. I won't worry about the past. I know my future is in tack. So, Ill choose to live my life one way. I'm gonna live for today." That is what I am choosing to do today.